franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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