The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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