I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
