Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
