Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
