How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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