Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
