I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
one might say we're banned from that church
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
