someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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