I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Im part way to drunk.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
