Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
