he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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