I'm lost and stupid without you.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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