omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I can text with my tongue
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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