I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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