Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
