just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
