the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
