I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize