Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
