so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize