either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
