Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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