i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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