i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
