the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She even gives head with a lisp.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
