theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
