how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
People in love make me want to vomit
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
