Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
