Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
