i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
