So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
