in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
