She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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