Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
