What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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