Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
