Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
