she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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