Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
