I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
