I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
