my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
