What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
