I'll bet she douches with gravy.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Randomize
