in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
