I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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