Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
