Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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