i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
