Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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