He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
In America we eat man semen.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I still have a little drunk in my system
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
