i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
