I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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