they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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