One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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