im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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