that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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