She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Pants are for mortals
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
