pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
