I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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