I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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