he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
