I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
