That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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