The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize