I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
