haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
