so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's never too late to be topless.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
