my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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