Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
