So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
