Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
