Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
When did we convert life to cartoon?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
