I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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