oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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