they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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